Loss and how to deal with it in a
child.
Should you ignore it? Redirect it? Discount
it?
Loss is loss, even to a small child. Their
physical bodies will react to the stress of loss even if their emotions do not
appear to be affected.
There are many types of ‘loss’, in a child’s life. I have often heard, “Oh they’re young, they will get over it.” “Or they won’t remember, just don’t talk about.” Though this is partially true, time will soften loss and memories will fade. But that does not minimalize the loss that is happening at the time. When does this loss occur?
There are many types of ‘loss’, in a child’s life. I have often heard, “Oh they’re young, they will get over it.” “Or they won’t remember, just don’t talk about.” Though this is partially true, time will soften loss and memories will fade. But that does not minimalize the loss that is happening at the time. When does this loss occur?
Types of Loss
-
When a child’s teacher is suddenly
gone.
- When their best friend disappears by
moving away or leaving the class.
- When a parent is struggling with an
illness or stress.
- Through divorce and loss of a parent.
- Through death.
- When a pet dies or is gone.
- When a loved one moves out of the
home.
- When their favorite blanket or toy is
missing.
- When the child is moved to another place without their family members.
These events of loss give children a sense of confusion and sadness and grief. Often the child will internalize their feelings, thinking this tragedy was somehow their fault. Children who do not yet have the verbal skills to talk about the loss will still need help through this time. Just because they are little doesn’t mean that they are not feeling the loss, or that their feelings aren’t valid.
What can you do?
- Acknowledge the loss and understand that the child will go through a grieving period.
- Be patient and understanding. The grief process is different for everyone.
- Don’t pretend the incident didn’t happen.
- Answer questions respectfully and honestly.
- Use language that is developmentally appropriate.
- Always stay with the positive.
- Do not talk badly about the missing person or
item.
With help and
support, a child can move through the grieving process with less trauma and begin
the healing process.
****Grieving period may have one or all of the
following: this may
become apparent in behavior changes, reverting to younger behavior, acting out, sleep disturbances, attachment
issues, and concern over the remaining people
in their life disappearing.
Resources
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