For some reason they
are attracted to puppies, kittens, chicks, and other small children. While they
haven’t learned how to join together in play until the age of
two or three year; they do have a fascination with the young. Surprisingly
while they won’t play with one another they do find what the other child is
doing to be desirable. In fact, if Dillan has a ball and is playing with it,
often another toddler will go and take it; leaving Dillan crying in protest. Perhaps Jane has a doll that suddenly becomes
a fascination for another child. This is where the child care worker can gently
intervene. “Anna, here is a doll for you to play with also; Jane is playing
with that doll.” Or if a child has snatched a toy from another, you might
intervene with, “Ruby, let’s give that toy back to Joey, see how sad he is.
Here is another toy for you to play with.”
Social graces must begin to be a part of life. Yet in our society we have
become so ‘techy’, that our social skills have diminished a bit.
Imagine you have a child and as your day begins you are busy
about getting up, taking a shower, readying your child and taking off to work.
Perhaps you have a baby sitter or nanny, or you take your child to day care. You
hurry along to drop your child off at the daycare, then to work. You
become engrossed in the day’s duties – taking care of your job’s
responsibilities, socializing with co-workers on the job or in the lunch room,
then grocery shopping on the way to pick up your child. By the time you and
your family are home for the evening you are exhausted; yet, you still have
dinner to make, eat, and a child or children to prepare for bed. So while you
are busy with dinner, David watches TV or plays a video game so he will stay
out from under foot. Then since you are tired you decide that dinner in
front of the TV sounds nice. And again while cleaning up the dishes you
allow David to play video games so you can finish faster. Later in the
evening you
get to relax and since your child is content with
his video game you
decide to let him continue.
Next thing you know it is bed time.
While you may be have gotten a variety of social interactions,
it is very important to be providing that for David. Teaching him manners and
trying to help him understand how to visit and care about another’s feelings
will never be experienced from a video game. Only by true interaction will a
child learn to provide appropriate responses; because an appropriate response
must be a choice, even when you don’t feel like choosing that appropriate response
or choice. And not only do you want to instill the desire for an appropriate
response; but, the emotion of empathy to accompany it.
Every day, even when busy, you can be teaching your child.
Instead of chatting on your cell phone (via speaker), on your way to work;
visit with David about many things. Even discussing some decisions that you are
having difficulties making, and why you are making a certain choice is
important for him to hear. Not only do children have daily challenges but parents
do as well and who better to learn from than you.
"The best way to teach a child
restraint and generosity is to be
a model of those qualities yourself."
Lawrence Balter
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