Six month old Jenny has always been cheerful and outgoing. You have never had any difficulties leaving her with relatives or with a sitter. Lately as soon as you get ready to leave her behind, Jenny bursts into loud, heart wrenching wails. You feel terrible leaving her. What is going on?
Separation anxiety is
a normal and exciting part of a child’s development because they finally
realize they are a separate being from mom. Separation anxiety tends to
coincide with another milestone of development called ‘Object permanence’.
Object permanence begins to kick in when a child realizes that something exists
even though it is out of sight. So of course since you are the most important person
in your child’s life, she doesn't want you out of sight; ever! You set her down
and her face drops into a sad pout, then as you step into the kitchen to begin
dinner a loud wail fills the air. Rushing back to Jenny you find her tears stop
and her smile returns now that you are in view again.
Since little Jenny doesn't understand
time, she has no idea when you will return and she will do whatever it takes to
bring you back. This phenomenon can last a few months in the first year and
seems to return for a few months in their second year. Some babies will draw
out the first year’s separation anxiety into the second year much to the dismay
of their parents.
What to do?
- Try to have your child attach to a stuffed animal or something so that when you leave he/she will have something to snuggle with that will be comforting. (One had a stuffed elephant).
- Say ‘goodbye’ quickly and calmly. Don’t make leaving a big deal because the calmer and more relaxed you are the less wound up your child’s emotions will be.
- Very important. Play peaky-boo games with him/her so she/he will become accustomed to knowing that you will appear again.
- Tell your child you are going away for a few minutes and that you will be back. Leave out of sight. (Be sure they are in a safe place.) Then come back again five or ten minutes later. This will help him/her realize you will come back and eventually they will not react.
- Don’t feel badly when your little one won’t readily go sit on another’s lap. (If they don’t want to sit on Grandma’s lap today, don’t make them, eventually this will pass and she will spend time happily getting spoiled by grandparents.)
Resource Links
- http://www.parentingcounts.org/information/timeline/acquires-the-notion-of-object-permanence-that-a-hidden-object-still-exists-even-if-one-cant-see-it-7-12-months/
- http://www.newbornfree.com/tips-and-advice/dr-greene/january-2013/10-tips-for-alleviating-baby’s-separation-anxiety
- http://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/month-by-month/your-child-month-5.aspx#
- ** http://veipd.org/earlyintervention/peek-a-boo-strategies-to-teach-object-permanence/
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