State the Positive

Positive guidance focuses on the positive or desired behavior. Staff should tell children what TO do instead of what NOT to do. Words like stop, no, and don’t are good for an emergency, but do not give children the necessary information they need to make good choices.

Examples of stating the positive are:
Say: “Please walk.”
Rather than: “Stop.”

Say: “You need to eat your food to keep your body healthy.”
Rather than: “Don’t play with your food.”

Say: “Play dough stays on the table.”
Rather than: “Don’t play with that over there.”

Say:  “We take turns talking at circle time.”
Rather than: “Be quiet.”

Reinforce Appropriate Behavior
Behaviors that are followed by positive reinforcement are likely to be strengthened and repeated. Appropriate ways to reinforce behavior include a smile, a wink, a pat on the back, a hug, praise, or a special activity as a reward for the desired behavior.

Validate Children’s Feelings
When you give words to what a child is feeling, they feel understood and are able to let go of the strong emotion.

“I know it is hard to wait for a turn, but it is Maya’s turn now. Your turn is next.”
“You must have been very upset. Use your words to tell Jerome, not your fists.”

State the Rules and Give Reasons for the Limits
Children are more cooperative when they understand the reason behind a rule. Often, they will repeat the positive behavior in the future because of this understanding.

“Use a quiet voice in the hall, Ana, so you don’t wake up the babies.”
“Cameron, please hang your coat up so that it won’t get walked on or lost.”